IC Inbox

Mar. 13th, 2023 07:06 pm
worldisyours: (Default)
[personal profile] worldisyours
WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, RINDO KANADE.

FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 4.28.13.9

*** rindragon has joined 4.28.13.9

Date: 2023-07-02 02:06 pm (UTC)
familyproblem: (95)
From: [personal profile] familyproblem
[Gladion's expression, when Rindo first glances up, is clearly unhappy. Not severe enough to be angry, but just enough to look frustrated rather than only downcast.

He catches Rindo's glance out of his peripheral vision, though, and meets his eyes after a moment. That note of severity recedes. His gaze flicks away again quickly, self-consciously.

The stiffness he started the conversation with has slowly drained out of him, from his voice and face and posture. There's a little of it lingering, but his words gradually come less prepared and his stern mask splinters away. Right now he just looks kind of tired.]


Whatever she thinks of the fact, she is my mother. There are already people who know we're related. I won't be able to avoid her forever even if I did want to.
Edited Date: 2023-07-02 05:02 pm (UTC)

Date: 2023-07-03 09:12 pm (UTC)
familyproblem: (57)
From: [personal profile] familyproblem
[A moment of silence.

Gladion looks faintly frustrated, like he's wrangling himself to actually stop and think about those questions instead of throwing out some automatic retort. Or like he doesn't like the answer he wants to give.]


...Now you sound like the twins, [he mutters wryly.]

[But he's still thinking.]

Date: 2023-07-04 01:11 pm (UTC)
familyproblem: (69)
From: [personal profile] familyproblem
[The corners of his mouth lift for a moment. But it's only a moment, the smile never really materializing on Gladion's face—his quip was light, but there's something more bitter than sweet about the whole thought.

Still wrestling with the questions, he backs up and takes them one at a time.]


I don't know whether she'd drag me into things on purpose, but I doubt it. [Alright. Question two.] Not many people know about us to make the connection if she did something. Though it wouldn't be hard if you met both of us. She has a Pokemon with her, and we look alike. [...Shakes his head because he's digressing. Would people blame him? And is that even what he's concerned about?]

The...surrounding circumstances are so different here.

[This is not an answer. But Gladion closes his eyes after that and finally commits to something more like one.]

No, I'm not worried about...blame. But if something happened, and I hadn't done anything about it—like confronting her, or telling people things they should know—I would never be satisfied with that. If she—

[Opens his eyes again, running a hand back through his hair.]

If I had to admit to my sister—if I even imagine admitting to her—that I didn't try to stop Mother from...destroying herself even further, let alone keep hurting other people, I wouldn't—I don't want that.

Date: 2023-07-10 04:13 am (UTC)
familyproblem: (129)
From: [personal profile] familyproblem
[The driest hah you've ever heard, and the dull thunk of the back of Gladion's head against the wall.]

No, no she's not. I left her with a fine mess to deal with, but at least she's not here. And there are people looking out for her.

Date: 2023-07-23 09:08 am (UTC)
familyproblem: (50)
From: [personal profile] familyproblem
[So what if he didn't choose it? What matters is the outcome—if he walks away, bad things happen.

But—thinking of Lillie—Gladion holds his tongue, peering cautiously down his face at Rindo. What he hears doesn't surprise him. It's like what he's heard from Lillie before. And he winces after Rindo looks away, because that would have been his retort, and he doesn't have one past it.

He can't leave things as they are.

But: it's way too much.

When has it ever not been? Isn't that just how you grow? It's not ideal, but if you don't have ideal, you have to work with good enough. It's not ever going to stop being like that. Things don't end neatly in real life. Rindo knows that; it's why he says I get it, I know, I'm not saying don't do anything.

...You know?]


...It does. [He's looking elsewhere. Up at the ceiling, head still tipped back against the wall, tension rotted away. This last point is also not a surprise—just a grim, embarrassing reality he was willing to trade away until Rindo said it out loud. Maybe his mother could hurt someone. And maybe there's nothing exceptional about that, here in Ryslig. So maybe this isn't the big deal he thought it was, and maybe he didn't need to induct Rindo into it, and maybe, this is in fact just dragging—

asking for help.

Whatever the hell that's supposed to mean.]


It makes sense. [He sounds weary.] You're probably right.

cw parental emotional abuse

Date: 2023-08-12 04:52 pm (UTC)
familyproblem: (17)
From: [personal profile] familyproblem
[He's gotten this question before, or something close enough to it. And he always deflects: she didn't do anything to me.

It's always been a conscious lie. What Gladion means is: that's not as important as the rest of it. And what he means by that is: none of your business. And on some level, he knows what he's doing, and knows it's not the best choice, and holds to it stubbornly because it feels wrong to change course anyways. He just can't. He won't. Unless he has to. Unless—unless you know the same things he knows, about how it's wrong and embarrassing but practical and correct, and you have to justify it and make up for it. Unless you can speak the same language of shame his own mind does.

Gladion huffs. It's a boneless laugh, but not an acidic one.]
I know. [He knows what Rindo doesn't mean to imply, the same way Rindo knows what he doesn't mean to imply.] Yeah. I can try, I don't know how much sense it'll make. She always...

[...]

There was something wrong with her for years, but she mostly showed it in small ways. It's hard to explain.

[He's relaxed. It's a weird sort of relaxation, but he is relaxed. It is easier when their eyes don't meet.]

She treated us like dolls. Like...she was obsessed with appearances. [As he said.] And part of that was, she couldn't see us doing anything that wasn't her decision. Lillie and I—we didn't get exactly the same treatment, but that was pretty much the same between us. Sometimes she showed it in different ways. And she was sort of the same way with anyone else who reflected on her, and the Foundation as a whole. And the house. But, you know, rooms don't complain when you redecorate them. And employees go home at the end of the day. She couldn't go through their belongings, or tell them what to wear off the clock.

[The clothes. There's always this unique frustration attached to that whole thing. He knows how important it was. He knows how much it hurt Lillie. He knows how he reacted to it. But it always sounds more frivolous out loud than it does in his head.

Ugh.]


Also, she changed over time. She gradually got worse, but she'd also go back and forth. If she was distracted, or uninterested, she wouldn't pay as much attention. But then once she did notice something that wasn't right, she'd come back with a vengeance. So it was always kind of a balancing act, trying to catch a break when you could but not doing anything that would count against you later. Especially out of the house. Because most people on Aether Paradise didn't actually know how she was, so things would get back to her, and even if they were fine she'd still...

[Waves his hand a bit. That got away from him, actually, let's pivot.]

That was the thing, overall. She could just make up a reason to be frustrated. She could look at something she would have decided, but get mad about it because she hadn't been there to decide on it. So there was never really a foolproof way to keep her happy. Just going along with what she wanted from moment to moment.

Date: 2023-08-12 09:02 pm (UTC)
familyproblem: (56)
From: [personal profile] familyproblem
[There was a time when he thought that was all he wanted to hear. To reach the finish line, stop her schemes, bring her back, and have someone—her, Lillie, he didn't know—look at him with admiration and say, I can't believe you made it through all of that.

He thought a lot of things, back then.

It's awkward now. It's true. It's still down in the muck with the two of them, where clumsiness is the rule.]


Yeah. [Yeah.] It wasn't...a question of deserving. We were just there. [Wicke said something like that once.] I know because she didn't stop. After we left. I...

[Sigh.]

Something stupid about the whole thing is, I knew she was bad. She wasn't like that before. Even when it was gradual, it was—I knew it wasn't right. [More or less. Most of the time.] But I also...didn't. I didn't think I should...do anything about—not even that. There wasn't much I could do. But I didn't even think it through. [Is this a distinction without a difference? It feels like there's a difference.] Not until Silvally. I left because I found out about the UBs and the Beast Killer. It put this whole...idea in my head about what would happen if I stole it and ran away. But none of that actually made sense. And it sure didn't happen that way. But—

[What was his point? Gladion runs a hand back through his hair, swallowing back the scrambling feeling that was starting to run circles around him.]

...I don't regret leaving. Obviously. It still turned out for the better, for everyone, eventually. [Bluh.] What was I saying. [Bluuuugh.] Silvally is the Beast Killer. Mother changing the project meant, maybe they'd let it out now and then, or maybe they'd just shove it into cryostorage and forget about it. That's how I realized what the stakes were. For...us. She treated us one way because we're her own human children she was stuck with, and if we were Pokemon she'd let us get shoved in boxes when she was done with us too.

[Exhale.] Anyways. One reason I came up with was that I'd scare her into waking up. Or taking Silvally would screw up her plans and she'd have to stop. Just, either way, running away would fix things there too. But it didn't. She came down even harder on Lillie when I wasn't there. And after Lillie ran too, she went on ahead with the master plan.

[Point made. He thinks. After taking the long way around. He got a little worked up along the way—not, like, tearful or anything, just a little agitated from how much there always is.]

I'm fine. [For the record. In case the sudden rash of sighs and hair-fussing implied otherwise.] It's just a mess.

Date: 2023-08-15 07:53 pm (UTC)
familyproblem: (17)
From: [personal profile] familyproblem
[That's the thing, though. You don't think you can, until you have the choice. Then...then you find out what you're capable of.

Gladion is chewing on that. (Maybe to squirm away from how the validation feels.) Rindo holds himself back, he knows. And you never know, so it's pointless to speculate. But he thinks he can imagine it. Rindo drawing on, drawing out those little flashes of stubbornness he shows. Standing his ground, raising his voice. And then maybe something more involved. If he ran into Lusamine, at least, he wouldn't just fold to her. And that's worth something.]


Right. Born in a Foundation lab. That's why it was so...undersocialized before here. [What he's said before about it, how it seems to have taken well to Ryslig.]

Date: 2023-08-16 02:35 am (UTC)
familyproblem: (102)
From: [personal profile] familyproblem
Made to a purpose?

[Let's keep following this train of thought it's way better than diving back into his turbulent mom feelings. Gladion's voice is still wavery, but it's in, like, a wry way now. He's Fine.]

Date: 2023-08-16 09:40 pm (UTC)
familyproblem: (23)
From: [personal profile] familyproblem
[He's looking. He doesn't know how to acknowledge it now any better than he has before, elsewhere, except as a problem he needs to solve. His goal is to not elicit that kind of concern; that's how he, along with everyone else, will know he's actually alright.]

Right you are. [With a wry snort. Welcome to the wonderful world of kinning your beast, Rindo.

But Gladion doesn't get to elaborate on that, because a static burst snaps along his limbs, pushing a jolt of pain with it. Pain that fades fast but also doesn't fade at all, sudden discomfort that he flinches with, one knee pulling up, hunching over himself.]


Ngh.

[Sometimes it blinks back at this point. Sometimes it doesn't. This seems to be one of the latter. When he leans back against the wall again, nausea rears, and he closes his eyes and puts a fist gently to his mouth to ride it out.

His very human eyes have bags under them.]

Date: 2023-08-18 12:57 am (UTC)
familyproblem: (36)
From: [personal profile] familyproblem
[He'd forgotten just how bad all of this felt, in half a year of being a monster. How tired and frail it was possible to be. What kind of effort it took to maintain dignity. The hand on his shoulder is shockingly strong, as if it's not Rindo's hand at all, but the hand of an adult coming down on the shoulder of a much younger Gladion.]

M'good.

[He feels like shit, but he's not actually going to puke, with nothing in his stomach. He does want to lie down. But he doesn't want to frighten Rindo. He drops his hand to his side and opens his eyes, squinting, grimacing.]

Date: 2023-08-30 12:24 am (UTC)
familyproblem: (139)
From: [personal profile] familyproblem
[Strange how physical memory is. The shift makes Ryslig feel half-real, as if time has suddenly wound itself backwards, and the whole thing is a nasty dream he's about to wake up from. Rindo could be a nurse's assistant at Aether, showing all the same concern. (Would that make it easier to brush off?) (Didn't have much in the way of visitors back then. Lillie hardly counted.) (It would be easier to brush off. The scrutiny of a friend is a very different beast.)]

...Anything that goes down is coming right back up. [Gladion's voice comes out lower too, out of lack of energy rather than abundance of care. And he might as well lie down—this too stings less in the shared language of shame. If Rindo can keep secrets about Lusamine, he can probably be trusted with the secret of one time Gladion was lying down and it looked silly. So Gladion leans over sideways, slowly, on a shivering elbow, until his cheek meets the bedspread.] Just...waiting it out. It's what I've been doing.

[Provided it does revert in a reasonable amount of time, and doesn't leave him like this long enough to bring on some kind of medical emergency. And who could do anything about it then?]

(no subject)

From: [personal profile] familyproblem - Date: 2023-10-09 04:38 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [personal profile] familyproblem - Date: 2023-10-10 09:06 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [personal profile] familyproblem - Date: 2023-10-15 04:33 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [personal profile] familyproblem - Date: 2023-10-22 05:33 pm (UTC) - Expand

Profile

worldisyours: (Default)
Rindo Kanade | 奏 竜胆

March 2023

S M T W T F S
    1 234
567891011
12 131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031 

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 7th, 2025 01:20 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios