worldisyours | IC Inbox

wait
how come u knew who i was if i didnt recognize u?
and why didnt u tell me who u were?
i dont get it...

[This… isn't helping Rindo feel better, at all. Was Swallow disappointed to see what he was like in person, or something?]

i don't blame you lol
it's a lot to explain...

[There's the matter of the Reaper's Game: how she'd seen him long before he got dragged into it without him having even the possibility of seeing her, invisible in the UG—how, when he was made a Player, they became enemies, and he became better off not knowing who she was. But then, even after she was stripped of her Reaper wings and brought onto his side, she still hadn't been able to tell him (that is, not in her timeline). Sensing his insecurity, she figures she owes him a little bit of an explanation for this part at least.]

but you've seen how i am irl now
not the whole monster thing ofc, but the rest of it
ig i didn't want you to treat me differently
or think any of it was fake
i just wanted you to get to know me

[All of me, she thinks but refrains from typing, not just part.]

[That, at least, lifts Rindo's mood somewhat. Looks like she shared the same worry.

It's true that Swallow was a bit… abrasive, in person. If she acted the same when they met back home as she did when they met in Ryslig, then he can't imagine he would have liked her, not without the context of her identity. However, right now, he can tell: the Swallow he knows is right there under that thorny exterior.

He trusts in that, but… He's curious.]

i get that tbh...
so howd it go
did we end up getting along?

yeah, we did!
eventually XD
you think i would've reacted the way i did to finding you if we weren't friends?

guess not

[It was a test, of sorts. Just a way to ask his "future" self how to feel. How often do you have that kind of opportunity? At least it looks like, on the topic of Swallow, his and the other Rindo's views align.

He sighs. This is just… messed up. Maybe he didn't disappoint Swallow back in her timeline when she met him in person, but here and now is another matter entirely. Of course she's disappointed that he's not the Rindo she's come to appreciate. He knows that—he'll never forget how heartbroken she looked when she realized he didn't recognize her.

Conflicting feelings arise—bitter shame at failing her, defiant anger at not even being given a chance to do anything but.

He shouldn't be here. He can't even be himself right, and it's not a high bar to clear.]

[Was that the wrong thing to say? It seems like it, judging by the terseness of that reply, though she's not sure what else she could have said to such a direct question.

Maybe, "what does it matter"?]

i may have already told you who i am, but what i said before is still true
i want you to get to know me
and i want to get to know you too
if that's ok

[…What is there for Swallow to get to know about? She's just… humoring him.

…It's a kindness, isn't it? From her, he'd expect nothing less—but it's warped and twisted by the circumstances into something that hurts instead. How can he ever measure up against this unknown self? In what world does he not fall end up falling short of her expectations? He already has.

The alternative—her giving up on him, because he's not the Rindo she wanted to see—is far more painful, though. If she holds out her hand, then he'll take it, lined with thorns as it may be.]

thats ok
i just hope u wont regret it

well, good! and thanks
i'm just happy that i get to talk to you again, rindragon
there's nothing you can do to make me regret that

[But maybe she will regret admitting that much—that even just a small, selfish part of her would be glad that he's here, trapped in the hellish monster freakshow with her, devoid of any memories that might better prepare him for that.]

right back at you though
i hope i'm not a complete letdown lol

[Really? Rindo doubts that. Maybe she means what she says right now, but eventually she'll realize the gap between who he is and who she'd hoped he was is simply too wide to bridge. And then, he'll be truly alone.

But… he's still touched by her words. He wants to believe in them so badly. And to be frank, believing may be the only way he'll keep himself going in this hell.

In light of that, the rest of her messages makes him feel almost indignant.]

u could never be
not when ur giving me a chance

[How can a gesture mean so much and yet feel like poison at the same time…?]

[It's all too obvious that he's beating himself up. When she messaged him, her hope had been to make him feel at least a little better about things. Feel supported, at the very least, and less alone. But it seems like she's only made things worse for him.

Then again, it's only his second day. It would probably be unfair to expect any show of comfort from him this soon.

The first reply that comes to mind is a dumb one... But it'll be familiar to him, at least.]

don't miss your chance to make a friend ;)

[…She remembered his favorite quote. Even though she's not a fan of An0ther herself, even though she's been here for so long… That… means a lot, actually. Enough for him to get choked up, it seems.

About two minutes pass before the next messages appear.]

ur right...

sorry im not the rindo u knew
cant promise ill measure up
but i want to be friends even if its selfish...

IC Inbox

<rindragon>

<SWALLOW>

<rindragon>

<SWALLOW>

<rindragon> cw: implied suicidal ideation

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<rindragon>

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<rindragon>

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, RINDO KANADE. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 4.28.13.9 * rindragon** has joined 4.28.13.9